One of our own
by coralozar
Summary: She is almost sure she knows what he's going to say. She wants to hear the words but is not sure how to react if they're not the ones she expects. Post 8x17. Small spoilers.
**Title:** One of our own.

 **Author:** coralozar

 **Raiting:** K

 **Disclaimer:** Still don't own Castle but I really wish I did so I could renew it for a 9th season.

 **Summary:** She is almost sure she knows what he's going to say. She wants to hear the words but is not sure how to react if they're not the ones she expects. Post 8x17.

& again, pardon my mistakes, I don't have a Beta... yet.

Enjoy, and if you like, leave a comment.

* * *

It's late when the Castle's finally make it home from the hospital.

After seeing Jenny and the baby, making sure that they were both completely okay and offering their help in case they needed anything, everybody went their separate ways. Lanie and Espo sharing a cab with the poor excuse that they were headed in the same direction.

However, Beckett and Castle decided to walk for a few blocks before taking a cab to the loft, enjoying the warm weather of spring, basking in the happiness of watching their immediate family grow with the new addition.

When they arrive at the loft everything is quiet and Castle makes himself comfortable, taking his shoes and jacket off before padding softly into the kitchen to pour two glasses of wine while Beckett heads for the bedroom. He wants to celebrate the arrival of little Nick a bit more but they ran out of champagne last week while celebrating Kate's return so wine is all they've got.

Oh, there are so many things to be happy about. So much to be grateful for.

Back at the living room, he finds a very content Beckett lying on the couch. She changed her work clothes for a pair of leggings and a t-shirt with a Batman logo he hadn't seen in a long time. He really loves to see her in that sexy lingerie she uses to torment him but the vision of his wife wearing his shirt, looking so stunningly beautiful, has a melting effect on his heart.

"What're you thinking of?" he wonders out loud, sitting next to her on the couch after handing over her glass.

A gentle smile lights her face and her eyes close for a moment. She takes a deep breath before leaning into her husband and releasing a small sigh.

"Hmm, just happy for Ryan and Jenny." She answers.

"Yeah, they did look pretty over the moon. Nick is adorable and I'm sure Sarah Grace is going to be a great big sister. Hmm." he slides an arm around Kate's waits and lets it rest by her hip.

"What's the matter, Castle?" she asks, turning to see his face.

"Well, I was thinking that I-I might have changed my mind," his voice trying to sound too casual, eyes not looking at her but more interested in the coffee table in front of them.

"Really? Changed your mind about what?"

Kate is almost sure she knows what he is going to say and she freezes for a second, wanting to hear him say the words and still not sure of how to react if they aren't the ones expected. Like, what if he isn't willing to have more family? What if seeing Jenny's complications and Ryan's concern scared him off? What if he just decided that with everything going on with LockSat he doesn't want to create more struggle with bringing along more people to put on the crossroads?

It makes sense, of course. She has given him reasons to think she wasn't ready in the past and having this major case in front of them makes it quite difficult to look into the future with hopes of a bright life. It had been her obsession that drove them to this point, and when she chose to pursue LockSat she did it knowing all the dangers it represented, all the things she wasn't free to have. To start. Like the family she knew she craved, though she couldn't bring herself to admit it.

"About the wishes," there is resolution in his voice. "That I'd wish for something after all."

"Huh. What's that, you reconsidered about the lightsaber," she bites her lip, looking at him expectantly. Eyes bright and rapid pulse.

"No, not really. My wish would be for you to be a mom," he states and quickly continues before she can say anything. "I mean, I know it's complicated right now with everything going on with LockSat and last time we mention the topic you weren't exactly sure you were ready but neither of us is getting any younger and…"

"You trying to tell me I'm old Castle?"

"No, no that's not what I mean. It's just, seeing Ryan and Jenny tonight reminded me when Alexis was born and how everything changed for me, how all the other things became meaningless the moment I held her in my arms. Nothing else mattered but this tiny, beautiful baby... and alright, my point is, I know you'd be a great mom and I wish you could have that. I don't want you to regret not having a family of our own."

He tries to stay really still, waiting for her reaction. Her lips are slightly parted and her eyes bright with something he can't recognize. Hope, maybe? He thinks it was too abrupt the way he delivered his thoughts because Kate can get scared so easily sometimes but he cannot contain the joy and excitement babies give him.

And, to be fair, he kind of though they would be on their way of starting a family by now (and not only the physical part, there is plenty of that, alright).

"Are you sure that's it, Castle? 'Cause it sounds like you're only focusing on me but I want to know about you, too. What is it that you really want, Rick?"

The question takes him by surprise but he has the words on the tip of his tongue. His hand clenches around her hip and he never takes his eyes off hers when he speaks.

"I want to have a baby with the woman I love."

Her lips part in a soft gasp and she has the impulse to lean in closer and just kiss him. Castle's eyes are trained on her mouth and she sees her Adam's apple bobbing when he swallows, eager for her response but letting her decide the next move and she can't think of anything else but the beautiful sound of those words.

 _A baby with the man she loves._

Wow. The though alone is intoxicating.

Still, she holds herself for a moment and works to keep her voice calm, leaning back a few inches in order to think of what to say.

"You do realize that this is probably not the best time to think about starting a family, right?" despite her control, she can't quite bring her heart to stop pounding against her ribs and it's very likely he can hear it. Feel the excitement radiating from her. "And I don't mean it just because of LockSat but us. We, _I_ have made a mess and I'm barely starting to clean it up, I just don't know how to be… ready," her speech falters and she groans because of the anxiety she feels.

It's not even like she's afraid, a big part of her wants this. She's dreamt about bright blue eyes. Dark curls. Tiny feet she might feel the urge to nibble.

"Right."

Castle scoots forward to take Kate's glass from her and put's both of their glasses on the coffee table. Then he pulls her legs over his lap, arranging her body to face him and grabs her hands in his, softly caressing the inside of her wrists with his thumbs, rubbing small circles.

"You're right. It is probably the worst moment to think about having a baby but I do know one thing. We can't continue to live our lives being afraid of all the things that could happen tomorrow. We have always waited too long before acting, and at the end, we always make it work. Together. But I don't want to wait anymore Kate, not after everything we've been through lately."

"So maybe it's a bad moment," he continues, "Maybe we are scared and don't feel ready. Truth is we'll never know if we don't do it, and Kate, I want to."

This is all too much. Her husband's words are too much and she feels her heart swell with the immense love she has for him, all the emotion washing over her body, warming all of the places she didn't know were even cold. He knows her so well, knows exactly what to say not to scare her off and the fact that he always thinks about her first is just proof of how much he loves her too.

There are so many things they'll have to figure out but she trusts him to be there for her and help her through the chaos of her mind when she feels like something's wrong. And despite the fact that she has a million reasons to say no, she can't bring herself to do it.

She wants to have a baby with her husband, so the only thing that comes out from her lips before she finally succumbs to the urge and kisses him, are the simple words.

"I want that, too."


End file.
